Shaking my fist: A few nuggets about what is pissing me off right now

This is another example of our society trying to hold athletes to a higher standard than ourselves. Serena Williams, and her sister for that matter, are phenomenal tennis players. Most likely the greatest female players ever. Serena lost her cool during that U.S. Open match, no question. Should she be fined for yelling at a referee? Probably, but maybe not. I can only imagine what baseball players or football players say to referees every game with impunity. Yet, the media rushes to vilify Serena Williams for losing her cool. I think the media needs to move on and let it go, the constant analysis and commentary is tiring. It’s funny how it takes an incredibly talented tennis player losing her temper to take attention away from the Yankees or Brett Favre. ESPN! The MTV of sports.

***********

S.C. Rep. Joe Wilson is another guy getting too much attention. Joe Wilson is the Republican from S.C. that heckled Obama during his healthcare speech. The problem I have is that he was forced to apologize. I personally think Wilson is an idiot, and shouldn’t have blurted out ANYTHING during the President’s speech. But he did and why dwell on it? (Wilson was also wrong when he shouted that Obama was lying about illegal immigrants being eligible for healthcare under the bill. Obama stretched the truth here and there, but not about that.) Either way, Wilson shouted, and shouldn’t be forced to apologize. He should just stand by his actions and let we the people judge him.

***********

Another stupid thing right now is MTV’s outdated awards show and the “shocking unscripted” moment of Kanye West interrupting a 19 year-old girls acceptance speech.

First of all, MTV abandoned music a long time ago. They are more interested in themselves and celebrating dumb behavior and empty personalities.

Secondly, the entire concept of the “Video Music Awards” is a self-serving pat on their own back. Awards are handed to famous people who star in their own music videos, and rarely have any creative involvement. I guess it’s not cool to bring attention to the creative filmmakers who actually make the videos.

Over the years, the popularity of MTV and their awards shows has dwindled. That’s why I have a hard time believing that Kanye West’s interruption wasn’t orchestrated in some way. No one would have been talking about that stupid awards show had Kanye West not interrupted the show. Think about it. MTV has a history of orchestrating “outrageous unscripted” moments (see any other VMA show, Janet Jackson Super Bowl concert.) I don’t believe it for a second. But look who is benefiting. Pretty much everyone involved, Taylor Swift the victim, Kanye the apologetic villain, Beyonce the humble sympathetic matriarch, and MTV the ratings whore.

***********

Anti-Obama protests and the heathcare debate are dominating political news. I’m loving Obama’s presidency right now. I love how hypocritical the conservative right looks right now. The conservative right has organized two big protests now in Obama’s first year practically sponsored by Fox News. I think it’s great. That’s the beauty of America. We get to voice our opinions as loudly as we want. But if you were awake the past eight years, and if you protested the President you were deemed un-American and a traitor. What was the big debate? Starting a unnecessary war with Iraq that we are still fighting. A needless war fought for some erroneous idea that it was for America’s protection.

What are we debating now? Providing healthcare to every citizen in the U.S. It seems warped to me. It seems silly that George Bush was a hero who left our country broke and fighting two wars, and Obama is a villain for trying to come up with a better health plan for us. It shows me that money is more important to conservatives than our own citizens.

I get it. I know conservatives are afraid that it will cost us too much money. Conservatives are scared that the healthcare system will be different. Well, I’d rather my tax dollars help our citizens rather than kill Iraqis. I refuse to believe Obama could come up with ANY plan that conservatives would like. I don’t like ALL of the ideas, but I trust that the doomsayers at FOX News are wrong when they say that the fabric of our nation is under assault. That’s the beauty of America. If the new healthcare system doesn’t work, then we’ll elect someone who has a better idea. I haven’t heard any good ideas out of the right. Just blind opposition.

Crying Wolf

The news story that has riled me up this week is the one about Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates’ wrongful arrest. The more I read about it, the more ridiculous it gets. There were only two people there when the events unfolded that ended with Gates in jail. There are only two people who can offer a real account of what actually happened. What we can assume from the facts, A Cambridge police officer responded to a possible break-in, Gates was offended that a white police officer would dare ask him to identify himself and acted belligerently towards him. Enough so, presumably, the officer decided to arrest him for disorderly conduct. It sounds like there were people milling around the area watching Gates freak out and to save face, the officer slapped the cuffs on him.

I can understand Gates’ point of view, why should you have to deal with this in your own house. But he twisted the situation into a racist encounter and became unnecessarily defensive. On the surface, it seems like the police officer had no reason to arrest Gates, because all Gates had to do was identify himself and clear up any confusion. But Gates was so desperate to play victim that he made something out of nothing, and waited too long to comply. A cool-headed person, black or white, could have cleared this up without any hubbub.

The internet has turned Gates into a martyr. The oppressed black man under the heel of racist white cops. Continuing to proliferate the mistrust of the police by the black community. You have to dig deep, but there are a few blogs and articles that refuse to champion Gates, and good for them. It seems to me that it is Gates who is the racist.

This wasn’t a case of racial profiling, this was a misunderstanding. How would Gates react if a white officer arrested a black man trying to break into his house? Did it matter to Gates that the description of the suspects were black males, and the officer was just doing his job? Did the accused racist cop race over to the scene so he could oppress the black suspects?

This just wasn’t a case of a white cop oppressing a black man. This is a case of a police officer dealing with an asshole.

I’m not pretending that racism doesn’t exist, just look at the sect within the GOP fanning the flames of the “Obama birth certificate” movement. It just doesn’t help the cause of Anti-racism when you cry wolf and twist any situation into one that fits.

How's your job?

I watched Walk the Line again recently and was reminded of the moment when he sees the little kid shining shoes which prompts Johnny Cash to write "Get Rhythm." Johnny Cash was not a real cynical guy. He typically looked at the positive aspects of the lives of people. Especially criminals.

The thought that popped into my head when watching that scene was very different than Johnny's. My thoughts are way darker and more cynical. Here is an illustration to show how dark my mind is.

Click to make bigger:

Motivation

I want to talk about motivation for a second. I have little or none really. My life is a long list of things I’ll get to at some point. I want to get back into painting at some point. I have all the supplies, but have yet to touch brush to canvas. I have a pile of unread books and a pile of unfinished or projects that I have not yet started. I’ve been trying to exercise more regularly, but not often enough. Anyhow, it’s getting to me now that I’m approaching my 29^th year in a few days.

So Monday, I decided to change the game a little. I decided to wake up fifteen minutes early, go on a run, come home a fix my lunch for the day and get to work early so I could leave early. Over the July 4^th weekend I had developed a slight cold so I decided running might not be the best idea with my throat feeling like it was on fire. That fine, it’s a legitimate excuse. Everything else went according to plan. My lunch, which involved baking chicken, was prepared, and I was on my way to work fairly early.

I was 12-15 minutes into my trip when I noticed my car was overheating, a first in the 8+ years I have been driving it. I decided to try to get the car to work and figure out what to do from there. 5 minutes after that decision the engine light popped on and the car lost power and limped along. I was able to get the car off the road and noticed my cell phone battery was only at one bar. It actually held out remarkably well, given all the calls I had to make. I was, funny enough, on an access road full of car dealerships. None of which were Ford, and only one was American. I noticed then I was across the highway from a auto repair shop.

That’s lucky I guess. Like getting shot and stumbling into a hospital. Everything worked out well, and quickly getting the car towed over to the shop. Then the diagnosis. My car had blown a radiator hose, but everything else in my engine will probably suffer the same fate soon. The mechanic pointed out a ton of problems and potential problems with my 8 year old car, totaling over a thousand dollars plus more to come. According to Kelly Blue Book my car is kind of worth $1,600, but it is probably less than half of that. How much money should I pour into an old car? I can afford a new car, with a lot of adjustments to my budget.

After a lengthy discussion we decided to try to live on one car. My wife’s 3 year old car with an outrageous monthly payment. I paid to fix the radiator hose that burst and parked my car where it will sit until I figure out what I want to do.

So do I look at this negatively and say, “Geez, as soon as I get motivated THIS happens.” Or do I just chalk it up to another day of unexpected circumstances and you deal with what is handed to you. It’s tough to stay motivated, I know that much.

The day was up and down. Car broke down, but in front of a repair shop. The problem wasn’t insanely expensive, but there is a lot more work that needs to done. I went to Katie’s Pretzels to get a Garlic Parmesan pretzel, but I forgot the dipping sauce. When I went back to the car, I found a little over 40 cents and ran back and got the pizza sauce. I never did make it into work.

Rant about The Rant

I listened to the portion of The Rant about MJ, which had a lot of great moments, but I take a lot of umbrage with my cousin’s opinion of Michael Jackson, The Beatles, and popular music in general. He lumped Michael Jackson in a group with Beyonce and Usher in the genre of “Pop” music. Which by his definition is “blandest thing ever” and meant to appeal to the masses.

The whole point of making music, for the most part, is so people will listen to it. A painter paints and a filmmaker makes movies so people will take part in their art. It takes a rare breed of talent to transcend almost every demographic and get the whole world buying your albums by the millions. It’s not something that will ever happen again, not on that level. When you wave off his influence on Pop music, you are ignoring that fact that he did in fact revolutionize “Pop” music, or whatever name you want to give it. The name of the genre is bland, but it’s a moniker that is attempting to describe multi-genre mainstream songs.

Music videos changed because of him. Dancing, concerts, costumes, and yes, music changed after he hit the scene.

“Devo was making 11 minute videos before he made Thriller.”

What?!! That comparison is far from apt. Devo is/was an art project. Devo’s purpose was to be off-putting and to break down convention. Devo took popular songs and twisted them into something unrecognizable. Devo forced you to “get” them. Which is something else entirely. We can’t expect every artist and musician to create projects that shoot for a small audience. The few that do, and do it well like Devo, get the response they seek. Michael Jackson hired a famous film director and made a short film of one of his songs, which is now commonplace. Now music video directors are making the jump to feature films, with varying degrees of success.

Another big part of music is influences. There is always someone who has “done it before.” Especially in the case of The Beatles and Michael Jackson. The same can be said about Elvis, Johnny Cash, The Rolling Stones, or ANY BAND EVER. To brush off the The Beatles because there is a legacy behind them is incredibly arrogant. Again, they are part of a rare breed that can transform a combination of influences into something that transcends race, age, and nationality.

Just because it’s popular doesn’t mean it sucks. There is a lot of popular stuff that sucks, but popularity is not the cause.

Music Video

I made a music video for "Psycho." I thought it needed one.

Tragic

We have become a society that feeds on public ridicule. The creative forces behind network and cable television channels have given up on telling original stories and instead create inexpensive, repetitive programs that serve as a platform for the public to point and laugh at our fellow citizens. I suppose it feeds a feeling of superiority, and really requires no commitment of deep thought.

Public ridicule infiltrates our news resources as well. Entertainment news is built on public ridicule, but regular news is guilty as well. It’s not always a bad thing. Oddly enough, we have plenty of stories from this week to use as examples. The story about S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford is an instance where I think the public ridicule is fair. The news is presenting the story as is, and they really aren’t invading a Governor’s privacy any more than they should. With Sanford’s erratic and stupid behavior compared to his political morals, he brought the attention to himself.

The ugly side is what, to me, makes Michael Jackson’s death so tragic. There are a million tributes and opinions and jokes pouring out, and most are probably better than mine will be, but I am deeply saddened by his death. I’m like a lot people my age. I grew up worshiping Michael Jackson. He was the epitome of cool, and his music was amazing. I’m happy to say that my wife and I recently rediscovered Michael Jackson a little over a year ago. The guy just made great music. I don’t know how technically proficient it was, or how thought provoking it was, but he had a knack for writing harmless and entertaining songs that resonated with just about every demographic.

He became Elvis famous. Then he became the butt of everyone’s jokes. Comedians made fun of his voice, his wardrobe, and his personal life. Entertainment news tried to invade every facet of his personal life. I suppose there is no room for eccentricity anymore. Sure the guy was eccentric, he wasn’t the first eccentric celebrity, and he won’t be the last. I understand the attraction, but the fact that he became famous for writing a bunch of songs doesn’t permit us access to his life. Yet the public feeds on the unfortunate aspects of famous people’s lives.

His continued eccentricity gave the entertainment press more material to present so the public could laugh at him. Why is that acceptable? Why is it acceptable that there is a market for the invasion of privacy? I have seen, maybe, one Lindsey Lohan movie; which means I really shouldn’t know who she is. Yet her every move is studied and ridiculed with no abandon. Average people enjoy seeing someone who has written a song or acted in a movie fall down. I know a lot of modern celebrities have done bad things or even committed crimes, but their situations are not really there for any of us to judge.

Michael Jackson is finally getting some respect again, but it comes after years of public ridicule and invasive press coverage. Every hack comedian has made a lot of jokes at his expense, and with continue to do so because he is an easy target.

The tragedy is that Michael Jackson became famous because he was a songwriter. He was so good at it, that everyone wanted a piece of him, and as a result, couldn’t live in our society. You are not allowed to live a normal life if you create something that everyone loves. I really, truly believed that he was on the verge of a comeback. He would release a new album that blew everyone away with a huge world tour to follow. It’s just sad.

The Eric Cartman Project

My brother and I were watching an interview with the creators of South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and one of them made a fascinating point about their show. They write the character of Eric Cartman to be, more or less, unlikable, and in some cases, pure evil. Yet, when he claims something is true, he is typically proven to be correct. So every time I watch South Park, I say to myself: "Cartman is always right." So I decided to undertake what I have called the Eric Cartman project to see how accurate Cartman is over the course of 188 episodes and one movie.

The data I compiled showed that he made 60 total claims. Cartman mostly only made one per episode, but there are a few examples of him making multiple claims in a single episode. Of those 60 claims, I confirmed 41 of them to be correct, which means he is correct 68% of the time. Which verifies Matt and Trey’s claim that Cartman is “usually” right. So now I will go a little further into detail about some of Cartman’s claims and my thought process whether it qualified for the list.

Claims:
Season 1

Episode:
Cartman Gets and Anal Probe

Claim/s:
“Stan throws up every time he talks to Wendy.”

Confirmed?
Yes

The very first episode features the first claim, and is proven immediately.

Episode:
Weight Gain 4000

Claim/s:
“Dolphins live in Igloos”

Confirmed?
No.

He was clearly lying, but it isn’t really debunked either. It's hard to tell when Cartman is lying.

Episode:
Volcano



Claim/s:
“He was in 'Nam”
“He describes Scuzzlebutt. Celery for a hand, Patrick Duffy for a Leg, and weaves baskets.”

Confirmed?
No, Yes

He was lying about being in ‘Nam, but his claim about Scuzzlebutt is the first claim that is really in the spirit of the list. Around a campfire, he describes this monster and it is shown to be absolutely true a little later.

Episode:
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

Claim/s:
“Stan's dog is gay.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

He is the first to notice and identify Stan’s dog as being gay.

Episode:
Tom's Rhinoplasty

Claim/s:
“He's 1/4 lesbian.”

Confirmed?
No.

I’m not sure he knows what a lesbian is.

Season 2

Episode:
Chickenlover



Claim/s:
“Poor people tend to live in clusters..”

Confirmed?
Yes.

When Cartman the Cop responds to a domestic disturbance at Kenny’s house and asks who is in the house. Kenny’s father rattles off a long list of people that live with them.

Episode:
Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls

Claim/s:
“Independent Movies are black and white films featuring Gay cowboys eating pudding.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

This is proven when we see a Sundance screening and the movie features gay cowboys eating pudding.

Season 3

Episode:
Rainforest Schmainforest

Claim/s:
“Kyle, and Jews have no rhythm.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

If you watch Kyle, he can’t keep up with the other kids during the group dance.

Episode:
Starvin' Marvin in Space

Claim/s:
“The CIA squeeze your balls until they pop to get you to talk.”

Confirmed?
No.

The kids are tortured by the CIA, but they never perform this act.

Episode:
Red Badge of Gayness



Claim/s:
“The South won the Civil War.”

Confirmed?
Almost.

The plot of this episode is based on Cartman being wrong, but going to great lengths to prove he is right. He leads a group of drunken civil war re-enactors to force Bill Clinton to sign a document declaring the South as the winners of the Civil War.

Episode:
Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus

Claim/s:
“He got his period.”

Confirmed?
No.

This is one of a few times when he is confused about what is actually happening. Hey, he's only 8 years old.

Episode:
The Brown Noise

Claim/s:
“Tells everyone about the "Brown Note"”

Confirmed?
Yes.

He confidently explains that there is a note they can play on their recorders that will make you lose control of your bowels. This is proven at the end of the episode in typical disgusting South Park fashion.

Season 4

Episode:
Cherokee Hair Tampons

Claim/s:
“Milk comes out of his nose when he laughs even if he's not drinking it.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

An odd trait he has that is passed to Kyle when he gets one of Cartman’s kidneys.

Episode:
The Wacky Molestation Adventure



Claim/s:
“If you call the police and tell them your parents "molestered" you, they'll take them away.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

This works so well, every parent is taken away leaving the kids to build their own crude creepy version of “Children of the Corn."

Season 5

Episode:
It Hits The Fan

Claim/s:
“’Meecrob’ is a cursed word.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

The kids look through a tome that lists all of the “Cursed Words” that cause destruction and Cartman points out ‘Meecrob’ among them, confirming an earlier statement.

Episode:
Scott Tenorman Must Die

Claim/s:
“He got his first pubes.”

Confirmed?
No.

Granted, Cartman was fooled, and thus enacts his most evil scheme. I feel this is a turning point for the Cartman character. There is really no going back from here.

Episode:
Proper Condom Use

Claim/s:
“Dogs make ‘milk’.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

He’s right, but he doesn’t really know what is going on.

Episode:
Kenny Dies



Claim/s:
“Using stem cells, you can build a Shakey's Pizza.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

This is the big reveal at the end of the episode explaining why he was trying to legalize stem cells.

Season 6

Episode:
Red Hot Catholic Love

Claim/s:
“If you stick food in your butt, you crap out of your mouth.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

His claim is confirmed and serves as the arguably clever metaphor about snobby atheists.

Episode:
Free Hat

Claim/s:
“If you offer a free hat at a meeting, people will show up.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

Though he meant something else, putting “Free Hat” on the flyer certainly did get a huge crowd.

Episode:
A Ladder to Heaven



Claim/s:
“Kenny's house has robot guards.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

Though it seems ridiculous, Kenny’s house is shown to have Terminator-style robots guarding his house. Hey, the kid was right.

Episode:
The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers

Claim/s:
“Sixth graders hate water.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

The wise wizard Cartman makes this claim and for some reason, the sixth graders can’t cross the river to pursue the kids. They don't want to get, wet and generally don't like water.

Season Seven

Episode:
I'm a Little Bit Country

Claim/s:
“He can make himself have a flashback to see what 1776 was really like.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

It takes several tries, but he finally knocks himself back to 1776.

Episode:
Fat Butt and Pancake Head

Claim/s:
“He can't control his talking Jennifer Lopez hand.”

Confirmed?
No.

You have to respect his commitment, but he reveals at the very end that he was faking the whole thing.

Episode:
Christian Rock Hard



Claim/s:
“If they start a Christian Rock band, Christians will buy a ton of albums.”
“Token has a bass guitar in his basement because his family is black.”
“Token knows how to play the bass, because he is black.”
“If he makes a Christian Rock CD it will go platinum.”

Confirmed?
Yes, Yes, Yes, No.

He is pretty dead on with everything he says. He is surprised in the end that Christian music has a different awards system for album sales. Token is also surprised by Cartman’s accurate knowledge of black culture.

Episode:
Grey Dawn

Claim/s:
“Shutting down Country Kitchen Buffet will defeat the old people.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

His strategy is a winner. Old people can't survive without a consistent early meal.

Season 8

Episode:
Good Times with Weapons

Claim/s:
“Kyle can’t throw away his weapon, because he is a Jew.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

Much to Kyle’s surprise, he is unable to throw away his weapon. Cartman truly knows his Jews.

Episode:
The Passion of the Jew



Claim/s:
“The Passion of the Christ" portrays the Jews as evil murderers of Jesus.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

He guilts Kyle into watching the movie, causing Kyle to feel the need to apologize to Christians for killing Jesus.

Episode:
Something Wal-Mart This Way Comes

Claim/s:
“Last thing you do before you die, you crap your pants.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

Proven twice in hilarious fashion. Also confirmed two seasons later when Chef is killed.

Season 9

Episode:
Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina

Claim/s:
“Jews can't play basketball.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

If Kyle is the example, then Cartman is dead right.

Episode:
Die, Hippie, Die*



Claim/s:
“Hippies are infesting houses.”
“Hippies are gathering for a music jam festival.”

Confirmed?
Yes, Yes. *The entire episode is based on Cartman's correct theory.

In classic South Park form, disaster-film king Roland Emmerich is lampooned. Cartman is the crazed expert predicting a disaster and the authorities not listening, until it is too late. If only they listened to him.

Episode:
Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow

Claim/s:
“Jews carry gold in a little bag around their necks..”
“Jews also carry a fake bag of gold to trick people from taking it.”

Confirmed?
Yes, Yes.

Cartman really knows his Jews. In payment for saving his life, Cartman orders Kyle to give up his secret gold.

Episode:
Majorine

Claim/s:
The girls have a "device that can see the future."

Confirmed?
Inconclusive.

He is right that the device is in the girls’ possession, but we never see if any of its predictions come true. This is my personal choice for greatest episode, by the way.

Episode:
Ginger Kids

Claim/s:
“Ginger Kids have an incurable disease called "Gingervitis."
“Gingers have no souls.”
“Gingers must avoid sunlight. Some Ginger Kids without freckles can, and they are called ‘Day Walkers.’"

Confirmed?
Yes, Inconclusive, Yes.

A doctor confirms that “Gingervitis” is an actual disease, and the Gingers are seen avoiding the sun. The only question mark is the statement that Gingers have no souls. It seems to be correct, but it is never proven.

Episode:
Trapped in the Closet

Claim/s:
“Anything that is fun costs at least $8”

Confirmed?
Inconclusive.

It seems true, but is not part of the episode.

Season 10

Episode:
Tsst

Claim/s:
“He has several theories about why the nanny doesn't have kids of her own.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

Like Hannibal Lector, Cartman turns the tables on the woman from ‘Nanny 911’ by picking her apart psychologically causing her to go insane and quit.

Episode:
Mystery of the Urinal Deuce

Claim/s:
“9/11 was a conspiracy.”
“Kyle was responsible for 9/11, and the urinal deuce.”

Confirmed?
No, No.

In a rare moment, Cartman is wrong about everything. Though he was mislead about 9/11, as we all were.

Episode:
Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy

Claim/s:
“You stick it inside and pee.”

Confirmed?
No.

He claims to know how to have sex, and is wrong. But come on, he’s only 8!

Episode:
Hell on Earth 2006

Claim/s:
“If you say "Biggie Smalls" 3 times in the mirror, he appears.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

Amazing how it works every time. You should be careful if you try it at home.

Episode:
Go God Go



Claim/s:
“If he freezes himself, he will wake up in the future.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

It works well, too well.

Season 11

Episode:
Lice Capades

Claim/s:
“Touching a hot wire to someone's blood can tell if they had lice.”

Confirmed?
No.

Imitating what he saw in “The Thing,” Cartman is trying to figure out who had lice. He touches a heated wire to everyone’s blood samples. The test is a fake to frame Kenny. It turns out they all had lice.

Episode:
The Snuke



Claim/s:
“The new kid, Bahir Hassam Abdul Hakeem, is a terrorist.”
“There is a terrorist plot against Hill-Dogg.”

Confirmed?
No, Yes.

Cartman’s instincts are correct that there is a terrorist plot, but he pins it on the new kid because he is a Muslim.

Episode:
Imaginationland: Episode I

Claim/s:
“He saw a Leprechaun”

Confirmed?
Yes.

The movie/trilogy of episodes starts with Cartman betting Kyle that he saw a Leprechaun, and the kids find him. Kyle spends the next two episodes trying to worm out of his end of the bet.

Season 12

Episode:
Tonsil Trouble

Claim/s:
“Magic Johnson has the cure for AIDS.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

Cartman convinces Kyle that Magic Johnson has the cure for AIDS. Cartman, Kyle, and Magic all figure out that he does have the cure, only he didn’t know it.

Episode:
The China Probrem



Claim/s:
“China is trying to take over America, and the world.”

Confirmed?
No.

here we see Cartman at his most bigoted. Even though China is trying to rule the world, it is never proven in this episode. What we do learn in this episode is there is a line even Cartman won't cross.

Season 13

Episode:
The Ring

Claim/s:
“Statistically speaking, the most germ-ridden place in the world is the mouth of the American female.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

We learn this at the end of the episode after Kenny dies from an STD contracted from his new girlfriend.

Episode:
Margaritaville

Claim/s:
“The Jews have hidden all of the money away in their Jew caves.”

Confirmed?
No.

We never see any Jew caves, but I assume he was just lying and trying to incite violence against them.

Episode:
Fatbeard



Claim/s:
“Somolia is a land where they can have pirate adventures on the high seas.”

Confirmed?
Yes.

They teach those Somoli’s a thing or two about how to be a pirate.

Movie: South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

Claim/s:
“You can't light a fart on fire.”
“More people will come to the meeting if the flier says "punch and pie" will be there.”

Confirmed?
No, Yes.

Kenny is killed proving you can light a fart on fire. And a few people leave their meeting in disgust when they find no punch or pie.