Things Cell Phones Have Ruined

Cell phones have a lot of good uses, but I think they have ruined a few things too.

1. Terminology. Sure, there are new terms that come with new technology, but I miss the old terms. Endearing terms such as “Get on the blower and ask for Ron.” “I was on the horn with Dave…” “Patch me through to Kansas City…”

2. Movie plots. They have to nullify the cell phones in the movies and shows now. The writers have to cause a low battery, or just destroy the phone altogether. Sometimes we get the lack of a signal, but if Verizon wireless commercials have taught us anything, no signals are just implausible. Cell phones ruin most plot ideas, because a lot of situations can be handled with a simple phone call, especially when stranded.

3. Driving. Having a “car phone” was once a luxury. Now, cell phones are “everywhere phones.” The prestige is gone. But the quality of driving has gone way down now that most people talk on the phone while driving. Floridians have been bumped from number one atop the bad drivers list. Now when you are cut off in a parking lot, instead of saying, “Stupid Florida drivers!” it is invariably someone on the phone.

4. Watches. The utilitarian purpose of the watch has disappeared and now serves only as a fashion choice. I have refused to wear a watch for years now, due mostly to feeling uncomfortable wearing them around my wrist. Plus, there are very few places where you go that don’t have a clock nearby. The cell phone not only has a clock, as well they have several of the only features watches could boast. Stopwatch, alarm, and a calculator, just to name a few.

5. Grammar. Thanks to “texting”, grammar has been ruined. The fact that you have to press each number on the keypad several times to type a message on most phones has created a need to simplify already brief notes with abbreviations and numbers. “I’ll get back 2 U,” “C U THERE,” are prime examples. I understand the necessity of short-handing messages when you are in a hurry. But the proclivity to abbreviate has crept into messages typed on computer keyboards. What is the excuse for shortening messages when you have all the keys available to you? Laziness, that’s what.

6. Answering machines. Caller ID is an accomplice, but all cell phones come with voicemail, thus rendering the answering machine obsolete. When one comes home, there is nothing exciting waiting for you. The charm of coming through the door was the anticipation of seeing that blinking red light, a beacon telling you someone might care about you.  Now you have to carry your unringing phone around with you, a constant reminder that no one cares. 

7. Flashlights. Wasn’t that the charm of being in the dark? When a thunderstorm knocked out the lights, you’d have to fumble around for your trusty flashlight. Now you just use the powerful LED’s to find the candles. Why own a flashlight? Can you check the weather report with a flashlight? 

8. Bad behavior. Now with cell phones everywhere, we have to assume still and video cameras are as well. If you were having a bad day and flew off the handle and decided to throw an entire race of people under the bus, or worse, spilled something all over yourself, prepare to be documented and posted on the internet. There was a time when embarrassing moments stayed private. 

9. Leg twitches. Remember how your leg used to twitch and you just ignored it? Now it builds false hope that your phone is vibrating. Upon checking, your still unringing phone serves as a reminder that no one cares. 

10. Psychotics. Remember when those charming homeless men and women would ramble and rant in loud or quiet voices as they shuffled up or down the street? Suddenly, well dressed men and women seemed to suffer the same problem. They were popping up in parking lots, malls, and grocery stores. It was the advent of the Bluetooth headset causing this. Now anyone can have a seemingly one-way conversation anywhere they wanted. Now the crazy homeless are ignored, because it is presumed that they are on  an important call.